Thursday, September 06, 2007

Star Widgets

**Waynes World Fantasy Sequence***

You are a stock holder in the worlds 5th largest company that makes widgets. You company has been up and down in the stock prices, but consistently stays in the top 5 of widget profits, sometimes as high as one, other times as low as 5, but things have gone consistently well. The company has a CEO in charge right now that was not exactly a natural choice, but had that fresh young face and new attitude that the board of directors decided would send the company in a new direction. And for a while things went well, there was an outside company that tried to make different cheaper widgets, a direct attack at your own customer base, but our widget company was able to stave them off and continue to stay strong overall in the widget business.

Your CEO decided to try a new product campaign, making new smaller widgets that would be able to be used all over the world. The widget plan sounded great and the shareholders and board were strongly behind the idea. But, as time went on, the company seemed to be losing some steam. It seemed that the CEO and his Research and Development department did not realize that sometimes smaller widgets just don't fit in some machinery across the world. But, instead of figuring out a way to make the widgets fit in the machines, the R & D guys decided to try and make the machines bigger, giving money to some of there outside interests within the company to build bigger machines. The stock prices started to flail and the shareholders began to become unhappy. And the companies that had the machines that the widgets would not fit in were livid, swearing to never use Star widgets again.

But, the CEO and the board just would not budge, things were not that bad in there eyes. Nevermind that one of the widget factories down south had a fire because the safety measures were not followed, it was just a small factory in the south, and while the fire looked really bad on TV, only a few people really died. On with the smaller widgets, our CEO was heard to say at a quarterly board meeting. The shareholders wanted to throw this CEO out, he was mucking up the company, but they could not organize themselves enough to get the votes needed for a proxy take over.

The CEO gave an interview to Forbes magazine, just as his ironclad contract was getting ready to go under 1 year left on it and said, "you know what I can't wait to do? I can't wait to get out of this board room and head down to Florida. My friends and family are all presidents of different colleges down south and I can't wait to go to Florida Wesleyan and become there president in a year and a half. There contract will surely make my pocketbook bigger." The board is insensed and start proceedings to buy there CEO out of his contract, or even better, fire him for breach of contract, since he was already set up in his next job before his last job was done. Our young CEO found himself on out on his butt by the end of the next quarter for that trangression.

So, how come, if our President was the CEO President, the MBA Administration, the President who would surround himself with excellent advisors to give him all the information he needed to make good decisions, how come when he is obviously already looking towards the next task, next thing in life, which would be a breach of his contract with the American people, how come we can't impeach fire him?

"I'll give some speeches, just to replenish the ol' coffers," Mr Bush told Robert Draper, author of Dead Certain: The Presidency of George Bush.


Lady Jane Scarlett said...

I'm surprised that he didn't list "start another ill-advised war, decimate the national economy, and lose international good standing"