Friday, January 05, 2007

Dangit, Take your dog for a walk!

So, sitting here watching Action News with Mrs Duck, and she is always on a rampage about the Home Depot CEO getting millions upon millions as a retirement gift as they kicked his ass out the door. And the fact that the reports are out there that the Shrub's new plan to fix Iraq is to actually send more troops in, but not enough to make a huge difference, since they will go from being outnumbered at 200 to 1 to being outnumbered 100 to 1.

So, Im sitting here hoping I have timed the news just right to miss the early headline stories, and just catch a glimpse of Cecily Tynan (shapeless namedrop for webhits) and the weather, and maybe more on the Eagles Giants game, you know something that wont have my wife's brain exploding out of her head.

And hey look its the health report, this is usually good for some uplifting story, you know a new drug, hope for a sick child, maybe an Alexs Lemonade Stand fundraiser or something, Holy (Bleep)!! Diet Medicine for Dogs???!!?

Thats right, theres a Phen Phen for dogs, well really more like a lipitor, since it helps in the absorption of fat or some other nonsense. And hey, I think its great if its a last resort, you know if Fido is taking a dump on the couch because he cant move anymore since he cant get his butt off the couch. But, it actually sounds more like something cosmetic, you know, if your pekinese is paunchy or something like that.

People please, what happened to, well, I dont know, PUTTING THE FOOD AWAY, or maybe giving Pluto a little less for dinner. Oh hey, heres an idea, lets not give Scruffy 77 treats a day, maybe only 30 will buy off his undying affection. And you know what else, maybe an idea that will help everyone, since the United States is supposed to be one of the most obese countries in all the world, TAKE LITTLE BROWNIE FOR A WALK! And not just down to the mailbox and back, but maybe around the block, down to the 7-11 and back, exercise for everyone. You and Fluffy will be happy for it.

It just burns my butt, drugs for obese dogs, as opposed to taking the research to try and beat diabetes in animals, or a cure for Kitty Luekemia, or even some sort of cancer drug. You know something where a scientist would say, "hey I did this and this and it cured this cancer cell, I wonder if I did this and that, would it work for human beings?"

Excuse me now, I need to go scrape my wife off the ceiling, The Shrub thing did put her over the edge.

9 comments:

Stew said...

hehe, tell Mrs. Duck to read my post on Nardelli.

lady jane scarlett said...

Lipitor is a HMG-CoA reductase inhibitor-it stops the the crap in our body from being made into cholesterol. It doesn't stop adsorption of fat.
(enough of the official spiel)
I too heard about the diet drug for doggies and am aghast. So sad.
And, AMEN to your advice! I'm getting Howie "used to" his harness so I can walk him.

Biff Spiffy said...

Brilliant. But, this is a slippery slope you suggest, because if I have to be (shudder) responsible for Fido's exercise, then I can no longer SUE the makers of Alpo for inclusion of fat-producing ingredients, and my retirement plan is out in the yard with Fido's droppings.

So I suggest you sit quietly and keep your beak shut, because you're beginning to interfere. And if you watched Scooby Doo, you know what happens to meddling kids.

local girl said...

I read about that in the newspaper today. It was on the front page! Is it really breaking news? It's kind of funny how they're warning people not to take it because it doesn't work on humans.

Annie said...

This is the sad state that America has sunk to. We live in a world where Britney Spears has morphed into Courtney Love, and our dogs can now coo "Trim Spa, Baby!" ala Anna Nicole.
If humans are too lazy to give their dogs exercise, may I suggest they have my neighbor's feral, nasty, beyotch of a cat chase their pet around the yard? (Sorry, venting, she got in our yard last night and went after my dog). People just don't think. It's not like Spikey is going to the market himself and getting his food. Here's an idea; put your dog on a healthier diet! You're the owner! You control the food! But, like Biff Spiffy said, you'd have to be responsible for your actions, and we, as Americans, must must must put the blame on someone else. Another American Duh-Moment!

Haley-O said...

My cat is getting so fat....I can't put the food away because I have 2 other cats who aren't getting fat....But, she's happy. She's just the only cat stuck downstairs because she can't slip through our baby gate upstairs....

Monks said...

ha! Phen Fen for dogs. The most obese country in the world finds a drug to keep their pets skinny while they leave their dog at home to drive 3 blocks to Pats and get a Cheese With, Mountain Dew and some french fries.

fatty's

tiggerprr said...

I am reminded of that dorky thing we did in school...where you squish your cheeks together. "My name is Chubby, My Mama's Chubby, My Papa's Chubby and my Puppy's Chubby..." It's no wonder that the rest of the world mocks us sometimes. People with fat doggies probably could use the exercise that walking the dogs would give them.

It's Me, Maven... said...

Isn't there prozac for pooches now? Just a random thought...